Okay bread is very dense but next week we're trying to make it in a crock pot, so I will keep you updated.

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Not only will I learn to make gluten free vegan bread during this time but I am also going to make my own tofu.

Anyone have personal favorites for places to put writing that's remotely accessible, preferably with a good tagging system? Right now I'm split between my PC/onedrive and google docs and it's a pain.

it is FRIDAY which mean it will soon be SATURDAY when I see my girlfriend, hooray.

I Lost Connections this morning. It's about the social causes for depression and anxiety, and there is a very poignant chapter on loneliness. Besides being something that can wreck your sleep (!), Hari focuses in on how important mutual aid is for easing loneliness. It isn't enough to just see and talk to others, but you have to be in reciprocal relationships. I am very very bad at asking for help/etc so I'm thinking about this today.

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Thinking about starting lil thread(s) to keep track of what I am reading, thinking, and wondering about!

Goodreads is the easiest way to see (for now): goodreads.com/bthans

But this would get you caught up for 2020 so far:

it's a cloudy day here in Boston! Had a slow start, but feeling rested and ready for the day.

I cannot tell y'all how much a good routine is helpful to me. It really makes the difference in my mood and energy. My ma says I've always been this way, so it shouldn't be a surprise, but I always delight in the patience it brings me.

There are some other ones, but these are the ones top of mind right now. Feeling open (enough) and ready (enough) to keep working, keep going.

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I want to keep prioritizing my long distance friends, my community where I live, work on my relationship with my dad, reinvest in my relationship with my siblings, and keep growing within these bonds. V. grateful for the space and safety I feel in my current romantic partnership, which I hope to keep giving close attention and effort. An important part of polyamory for me is how I can cherish all of my loved ones, how we get to be in each others lives, and how love can continue to be given.

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Then my two crafts: writing and fiber. I have a monster chapbook in some draft form that I need to get going. K and I are doing a weekly writing exchange, so that has been very motivating. With fiber I have two concrete projects for the year: finish my parent's quilt, make one outfit. Throw in some embroidery, needle felting, and maybe a knit or two and I will feel very accomplished at year end.

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I am trying to meditate most days a week, and still going to therapy once a week!! Feelings are tough and overwhelming and misery-making for me, but necessary. Journaling once a week, too.

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Food, exercise, the physical body. 

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I've been clinically depressed for as long as I have memories, and I tend to get long stretches of time where I am very down, and then I get another stretch where I can break for air. I'm feeling the end of a seven month submersion, and the slow surfacing is a relief. I appreciate it coinciding with a "new year," the metaphorical do over is very motivating for me. So, in shorter terms, here is what I want to work on this year.

Riverside 🏞 Camp

A small place for friends to gather, quiet without being isolated. A place for being creative, or playful, or just human.